I’ve been wanting to write everything that has happened to me since my birthday April 21,2012 on paper but I never got the chance to until now. There has been a lot of things in my mind the past weeks. Questions that are in need of answers. Answers that don’t really fit in any question as of the moment….but mostly questions. And so I sought God and asked more questions but found most of the answers vague. All of which clouded my mind. I needed to get away and rest. not think of anything… ministry, school, and responsibilities. Just me and God. Ive been troubled with things the past weeks that I don’t even know where to begin….battling with emotions, wrestling with God, which when I think about it is quite silly..like hello! as if naman mananalo ako..haha! anyway, that and more. I wanted so much to be alone with God that I thought of staying in manila for a week instead of staying for just a night. So I asked God about it and He urged me to push through despite my reluctance about leaving everything behind…ministry and family on my birthday. I have to admit that it was a hard decision for me because I wanted to be with my twin on our birthday, and I also wanted to be on my friend’s birthday the following week. But God spoke and so I had to obey. In my heart I felt that it was also the best thing to do. After all wasn’t I the one with a thousand questions in mind? I wanted answers….I needed to hear from Him. As I began my search, visions of what God wanted me to do grew wider. Dreams and promises were being recalled. It was like God was refreshing me and slowly taking the veil of my eyes as He spoke to me through His word and through people. I felt relieved. I needed to hear it. I needed to be reminded. And although not all of my questions were answered and believe me, there are still LOTS…I am comforted. I am comforted of God’s sovereign will in my life. I know He will not let me be away from Him. He will intervene. That I am sure of! I am comforted of His movement in my life…that although things doesn’t make sense sometimes, It’s just God humbling me, wanting me to trust Him even though I don’t get what He’s trying to do. But most of all I am comforted with His unfailing love. I would never have been here if it weren’t for that. He would have never bothered answering my never ending questions and He wouldn’t have been patient with me.
So before I end this note. I wanna share this verse with you that I got reminded of after the talk I had with my bestfriend’s dad who is also like a dad to me. He shared to me a testimony of their family when they arrived in Manila after something big happened in the family and what he shared really amazed me, encouraged and even comforted me. I couldnt help but praise God for what He did. He never left them, He didnt forget them.
No one will be able to stand against you all the days of your life. As I was with Moses, so I will be with you; I will never leave you nor forsake you.-Joshua 1:5
It’s so comforting to know that God will always be there when I am being suffocated by the outside forces and even by my own thoughts and concerns. I am comforted to know that I can always run to Him, ask Him questions that none of the professors or teachers nor my pastor and friends can answer. I am comforted knowing that when I’m done with my little retreat and go home to CdO, He will be right there with me ready to listen to my ramblings about life…guiding me…teaching me…practicing His sovereignty in my life! and so I end this note feeling grateful. Time for me to sleep now, goodnight! I bid you all adieu! :)